What To offer in Times of Grief
what all you have to say is, “I don’t kow what to say”
When someone is grieving, others don’t know what to say. Even if they have been through it themselves, even if they are dealing with their own grief, they still don’t really know what to say to someone else who is grieving. I struggle to know what to say to my husband in his grief because it looks different for everyone and because we all need something different to move through it. Everyone wants to say something to help, something to make you feel better or something to take away the pain but of course, they know nothing can. Nothing they can say or do will help anything but still, they have to try. They offer words that once brought them comfort, or offer things that helped them cope. Maybe they give what they imagine they would want to receive if they were in your shoes. It’s always accompanied with, “I know it’s not much but…”
Please know, from where I am in my grief, whatever you have to give is enough. I’m reminded of an old story about a rich man who gave a large sum of money but it was only a fraction of his wealth and a poor woman who gave a tiny amount but it was all she had. God blessed her more for giving everything she had to give. When you give all you have to give, it is always enough. If what you have to give is cooking a meal or offering dinner, that’s enough. If what you have is time to spend joining in the sadness, that is enough. If what you have is an “I see you. I’m here.” that is enough. If what you have is an “I don’t know what to say” then saying nothing at all is still enough. It’s enough just to know that grief doesn’t have to be lonely even though we have to move through it alone.
Nothing anyone can do will heal the pain or bring our son back. We all know that. No gifts or acts or words. They all do the same thing, absolutely nothing, and they are all enough.
We aren’t through this yet, but thank you to everyone who is here with us.