Most people opt to wait and will recommend that you wait until you are twelves weeks along in your pregnancy to share the news with anyone – especially those outside of your close circles of family and friends. This is because your risk of miscarriage decreases significantly after the twelve week mark and by that time, you have most likely had an ultrasound or other test to confirm the viability of your pregnancy. The thought is, if you wait to tell everyone, you will have less people with whom to share any bad news.
With my first pregnancy, we waited until thirteen weeks to tell anyone besides a handful of close friends, mostly the select few who knew we were trying anyway. Our thirteen week mark happened to fall around Mother’s Day and we would be traveling with all my husband’s family and having a Mother’s Day dinner. It was also a great excuse to send gifts to my parents without raising suspicions. The timing just worked out perfectly.
But those thirteen weeks of morning sickness and my aching back and expanding middle (less bump and more bloat) were rough! We were excited first-time parents but we couldn’t let on that we were hiding the biggest secret of our lives! It was kind of fun to share looks and winks when we had to use our cover story to turn down a drink or a soak in the hot tub, but we were bursting to tell everyone! When we did finally share the news, more than one person said they already knew because of some reason or another. Talk about a buzz kill.
With baby number two, we found out at four weeks and told the world at six. This time, it just felt right.
Unlike most veteran moms, I actually have more anxiety in this pregnancy than I ever had in my first. The first was magic rainbows and butterflies and this one is shrouded in the reality of life. Thanks CODIV-19. Anytime I get super excited and feel an abundance of love for this person I’ve yet to meet, this ugly voice creeps and remind me that something terrible could still happen. It reminds me that phantom pregnancies are a thing, and miscarriages are a real threat, and my chances of never holding this baby are 1 in 10 before thirteen weeks. I think something about how long it took us to get here just makes it all feel so fragile.
So why did we tell so many people just to run the risk of having to share gut-wrenching news with them all?
Because I want this pregnancy to be celebrated as long as possible whether that means a full 40 weeks or a too short 9 weeks or even only 15 weeks.
Because I want this baby to receive all the love he can while he’s here in my belly even if he never makes it into my arms.
Because I am not one to suffer in silence. I’m a sharer – hi, hello, I blog! – and I will share the hard times should they arise. I will not hide my pain to spare other’s feelings. It’s just not my style.
Because I can’t keep my own secrets or excitements to myself. And why should I? The world needs positivity and good news now more than ever and something about babies and the creation of new life just brings that.
At 13 weeks pregnant, I went to my first ultrasound and saw my sweet tiny baby jumping in my belly. He’s perfect. But all the way there and until I saw him moving with my own eyes, I was bracing myself for some terrible news and an overwhelming absence of life. I didn’t necessarily have a feeling something was wrong, but rather this nagging thought that this just wasn’t real for us, almost like we didn’t deserve this. A second healthy child when those I know and love are still waiting for their first? How selfish could we be! Then I realized I was just feeling some strange form of guilt and anxiety that, while it is very very real, is unfounded. It needed to be felt, as all feelings do, but it had no place in my heart. Seeing that wiggly little body and that fluttering heart silenced that voice. I finally feel allowed to be happy.
I’m well aware that these feelings could come back at anytime through this pregnancy but for now, I’m content to feel nothing but love and awe for what is happening.
Forget what “they” say and share your excitement and joy whenever and with whomever as soon as you are ready!
XO Beka
Ps. I am 16 weeks along when this post was published!
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