Why is quitting something so hard?
I don’t mean quitting bad habits or giving up an addiction (we all know why that is so hard). I mean stopping something that you started before you have declared it to be complete like leaving a team before the season has ended or giving up a project that you are halfway through. I was conditioned to never quit. Isn’t that the thing they say? Push through. Don’t quit. Keep going. But why?
I started blogging when I was a new mom. I had a lot of opinions and thoughts and feelings and nowhere to put them. If I’m being 100% honest and at the risk of offending everyone that was attempting to support me at the time, I felt alone. I was more lonely than I had ever felt in my life and yet, with a newborn, I was physically NEVER alone. Looking back now, I was elbow deep in our friend Postpartum Depression. My blog and my other hobbies became my creative space to be seen and feel valued.
But never mind that, back to quitting.
I’m not going to stop writing or stop sharing my heart because that is something I feel I’ll always need to do. Really, have you ever known me to be silent? If I’m silent, I’m probably angry and just biting my tongue. But I’m going to stop trying so damn hard to please other people through what I’m doing.
I’m quitting mimicking my favorite bloggers and writing on the topics with the most Pinterest hits.
I’m quitting making sure everything is perfect just in case someone from The Times wants to call on me.
I’m even quitting holding back. Yikes. That’s a little scary to think that all this time I’ve been reserved! I’m done staying in my lane. Minimizing myself to make sure others feel comfortable. I’m quitting fitting into a niche.
I’m finally taking back MY things and making them fun for me again.
But why, if I’m so sure that this is what I want do I find it so hard to hang it up? Wasn’t I trying to make something worthwhile with Beka XO co? Did I fail? Am I a failure?
Beka XO co – the blog, the Etsy store, the Instagram Influencer was created to fill a space for me. I never intended for it to be a job. I have a full time job that I enjoy and it comes with health insurance and a 401k. I don’t need another job! But that didn’t stop me from acting like this was a job too and guess what, when I did that, it wasn’t fun anymore.
It was more about what others got from this and how others could benefit from it and what they thought of it. I found myself needing, even craving validation from you – like this post! Comment! Come tell me I’m going great things!
Come prove to me that I’m good enough.
I’m quitting needing you. I guess, in a way, I am an addict getting clean. Hi, I’m Beka and I’m a validation addict.
I was going to explain why giving up the formal blogging and perfect Instagram feed and beautiful presentation of my life on social media wasn’t quitting but rather more like a movie trilogy that has come to a close and the director is moving to something new or maybe even nothing at all but then, that would simply be for your validation too.
✌🏻XO Beka
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.