I’ve been toying with the idea of something. Something scary. Something I keep talking myself out of and have a million reasons why it’s a terrible idea and yet… I keep coming back to it. It is as if the Universe is presenting me with something and I’m continually pushing it away.
It’s a Social-Media-Free February.
I told you it was scary! Social Media has been a huge part of my life for the past many years with my blog and my Etsy shop (RIP) and my Instagram. It has allowed me to make some money, and work with brands to try and share their products, and it’s allowed me to make some really beautiful connections with real life friends. It’s been my place of support and comfort and validation. But it has also been my place of hiding. I use it as a crutch so I don’t have to sit with my shit. When my mind is wondering to things that are hard to deal with, I flick open my phone and take a scroll. When I find myself alone with my own company, I seek out a virtual friend. When I feel the need to be seen or heard, I show up online instead of in my own life.
I keep thinking I have it figured out and have a nice balance and then those thoughts creep back in like, “If you only did just a little bit more, think of what you can accomplish!” But here’s the thing, the things I long to accomplish can’t be contained in the squares on Instagram. My life goal is not to inspire women to get healthy or to encourage other moms to stop feeling guilt or shame. Those things are beautiful, but they aren’t what will make me look back and think, “I did IT. I accomplished the thing I was born to do.” What even is that thing? Trust me, I have no clue.
When I consider spending a month free of Social Media, I immediately think of reasons why I can’t. I just bought matching Valentine’s Day shirt for C and me and I need to share them! I have a really cool DIY project I want to work on and post about! It’s self care month and I need to spread the message! But if my sole purpose for doing things that I love and matching my tiny man are so that others can see it… yeah, that’s a sign I need a break.
There is nothing wrong with Social Media. Again, it’s allowed me to do some wonderful things and I’m sure I’ll be back – this isn’t the first time I’ve taken a short hiatus – but 2020 is my year of healing and right now, I feel like my biggest wound is constantly being connected.
So Social-Media-Free February, here’s to you!
XO Beka
Danielle says
So proud of you for taking that step! You can still wear your matching shirts and print photos and hang them in your house. You can compile videos and save them for when C is older and wants to look back. He will remember all if the time you spent together, not the people who saw you doing it.
Beka XO co says
ššš youāre so right. He wonāt know any of those people later in life ā„ļø