It’s no secret, if you follow me on IG or even just pop onto my feed, that I’m a breastfeeding mother and that I believe breast is best. I don’t really think it’s a matter of opinion though. Breastfeeding is the superior way to feed babies the same way organic produce is the superior way to eat. I say this as someone who does not buy or eat organic.
Usually.
I know all the reasons why I should buy organic produce and yet I still choose not to. But my choice in the matter does not change the facts that organic is best. Neither does someone’s choice to not breastfeed make breastmilk any less best. And when I say “best” I mean nutritiously superior, not necessarily the right choice or the only choice for everyone.
My Wonderland.
In my perfect world, all mothers want to breastfeed, are supported in their desire, and are empowered to do so. But that is not the case for many and I know that. I am not here to cast guilt or try to instigate shame.
The reason we get so caught up in our feelings over “Breast is Best” is because we have rooted our worth as a mother in the way we feed our children. And that’s just silly. Whether or not you breastfeed only says one thing about you – whether or not you breastfeed.
The end.
It does not say how much you love your babies or if you’re good enough for them. Not at all. But it’s a simple matter of fact that breast milk, something designed and formulated just for one particular baby, is better than something factory made for the masses the same way a custom made suit is better than one off the rack. It just is.
My Breastfeeding Story
I have had two really beautiful breastfeeding journeys. They weren’t without their own struggles, but all in all, they were fairly easy and very enjoyable for all involved.
My first baby
My son Cillian who is about to be six years old, nursed until he self-weaned at fifteen months. He started showing less interest as a busy toddler who was eating solid food all day long and as a result, I was less interested in nursing him on demand. I began to tell him no if I was busy, we were out of the house, or if we were eating other food already. Yes, he often asked to nurse while putting food into his mouth.
With him, I returned to work at twelve weeks, worked a full 40 hour week outside of the home, pumped and sent bottles to daycare for him. Even though my pumping output was (and still is) low, I was able to produce everything he needed until he was one year old. After that, we only nursed when we were together.
My third baby
Dempsey (my second living baby) is eleven months old next week (talk about time flying) and we are still going strong. I work from home most days and pump three times a day. He takes three 4.5oz bottles of milk at school Monday through Friday. I have no plans to wean and will nurse as long as we are both interested and enjoying it.
Despite all the calls of breastfeeding being normal and natural, because it is, it is still a new skill for both the mother and the baby and must be learned. Some of it is instinct just like walking or crawling, but it’s a slow learning process that looks different for everyone.
Breastfeeding Struggles
Even I, with my “easy” journeys, had my fair share of struggles and hiccups.
Tongue Tie
Cillian had a tongue tie and, as a result, a latching issue. He simply did not know how and neither did I. Thankfully, I had a great lactation consultant in the hospital and one at my pediatrician’s office. They helped me work through that struggle. Through this time, I had to let go of what I thought breastfeeding was supposed to look like – me lounging in bed with a baby happily on my breast, both laying comfortably as we drift off to sleep. NOPE. That is not what worked for me.
I was only able to nurse sitting up, with the lights on, using a nursing pillow. Eventually, it got easier but then we had the dairy intolerance (diagnosed as colic) to deal with. I’ve written about that many times before.
Vasospasm
During those fifteen months of breastfeeding, I also dealt with vasospasms. Talk about ouch. Vasospasms are the tightening of the blood vessels resulting in pain, itching, and burning. If you can imagine that in your nipples after every time you feed, it is not fun. I wanted to quit as a result, but I was committed. I fully believed (and still do!) that I was pushing through my own comfort for the wellbeing of my child. Not everyone is able to do that, but I was and so I was going to.
Shallow Latch
With Dempsey, he had a shallow latch. He did not have any lip or tongue tie issues but, for whatever reason, he just had a shallow latch. My home-based midwife told me some things to try to improve his latch but ultimately, I decided not to try to change his mechanics. He was nursing comfortably, gaining weight, sleeping, and having normal wet diapers. I was more concerned that anything I would try to ‘fix’ would just lead to a different issue, like a cranky baby. Eventually, again, we figured it out, but not without some blisters, blood, and very sore nipples.
D-Mer
Have you ever heard of D-Mer (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex)? Well now you have. It’s a wild ride. I didn’t realize it was even a thing until one day in early postpartum, I felt the crushing weight of the world come over me. I felt anxiously sick to my stomach. Everything felt scary and hard and I wanted to cry when, suddenly, my milk let down and my shirt was soaked. The feeling lifted just as fast. Thanks to another influencer mama, I knew quickly that I was dealing with D-mer. Again, it’s not fun, but knowing what it is, being able to put a name to the struggle (much like with my vasospasm or the dairy intolerance) it gave me the strength to keep going and the validation that what I was doing was hard but so so worth it.
I was able to let go of blanket statements like, “Breastfeeding is hard” or “Breastfeeding is painful” and instead say, “D-mer sucks to go through” and “vasospasms are a b!tch.” That simple mind set switch really did a lot for my mental state and empowered me to keep going. Breastfeeding was beautiful! The other things were not.
Breastfeeding Advice
I reached out the my followers on instagram and asked what they would share with a new mom who wanted to breastfeed. Each mama had the same advice to share.
Get help and don’t wait.
When reaching out for help, remember that not all Lactation consultants (LC’s) are created equal. Some hospital based LC’s are educated inside the hospital system and may not have the most up to date info, might not know all the tricks, and might have no breastfeeding experience of their own.
They will be the ones to offer formula more quickly, or use scare tactics like, “If you don’t figure it out now your baby is going to die.” Please don’t believe them. Your baby has been running on ‘full’ for nine months + and can last a few days with very little. Your body is also producing colostrum, (yes, already. I promise.) and that is everything baby needs right now. Do not give up on your body’s ability to grow your baby now just because they are outside the womb. Even just one bottle too early can sabotage your whole breastfeeding journey.
That is not to say that you should be so dedicated to breastfeeding that you put your baby at risk. Trust that you will know when your baby is at risk. Each mother is born with a mother’s intuition. It is what makes you change positions when you’re in labor or makes you not get into a birth pool like you planned. That’s what makes you scoop baby up to your chest and hold them close once they are born. It’s what gives you the urge to put them on your breast. Don’t silence that intuition and don’t look to others to tell you.
Trust yourself and your baby.
If you feel yourself in need of some breastfeeding guidance, find a IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant). It is as important as finding a pediatrician that you like who believes in what you believe in. Find an instagram account or a mom blog who lays out information in a way you can understand and then use that information to do your own research. Google things. Read things. Ask questions. And then decide what’s best for you and not just they way you are supposed to do it.
Finally, mama, quiet the noise.
Read the books if you must, hear what the experts say, listen to the stories from other mothers who did it or didn’t do it for whatever reason, and then let all that go and tap back into your own intuition. I promise it’s there. You were born with it when you were reborn as a mother. You can do this.